It has been a tough week. My son's best friend's father passed away suddenly. He is only 10 years old. no one expects that to happen. No one EVER wants that to happen. I admit that it has surfaced fears that lay deep within me. Fears that my husband, father of my children could one day 'leave' us....without warning...without time...just gone. It has left my son searching...wandering why and seeking to find the justice in his best mates loss. There is none really. It is just shocking. awful. messy. devastating.
So I was thinking these past days. What if it were me...what would I want people to say about me...if I was gone....Now I am no saint. I do my best to help people in need around me and I truly have a heart for those that warrant needing which is everyone, but would people actually know what to say about me? Do I have a deep enough relationship with those around me to let them really 'know' me? I think my answer would be no. not really. Yes, there is the compassionate Nicole, one who delivers a meal, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to...there is the get along side Nicole, the one who goes for a walk or a run with a friend or comes along to their newest adventure of tupperware parties....then there is the Nicole that is private. The Nicole that is insecure and really finds it hard to see the worth that she has...no one knows that part. yep. that is me. You didn't know that though cause I didn't tell you! til now :)
What would you want people to say about you if you were gone? what would you want them to know in advance?
I would say, Nic, that I think you're awesome.
ReplyDeleteInsecurities are messy, debilitaing little crappy weeds that weasel their way into your life without permission and sometimes, without conscious thought.
I know you're not alone- everyone has that private side, like a fortress built high and wide and fortunately or unfortunately- the most habitable space for said weeds.
But regardless of whether you hide yourself and/or your insecurities, what you have posted speaks of you more than maybe you realise.
The fact that you are those different 'Nicole's' that you've listed and so many more - and put yourself out there despite your insecurities, says so much about your compassion, strength of character, selflessness and integrity (not to mention, Godliness allround).
So I know that doesn't answer your last couple of questions on this post - but that's what I'd say about you and want YOU to know, before either one of us is gone. xx
I think a lot of people would have so many wonderful things to say about you Nic!
ReplyDeleteBut I agree we all have a private side that not many people see. And I think a lot of people are actually insecure, they just put on a very good front :-)
xxxxx