Finding Joy

I will not even pretend to water down how the last few months have been for us. I have literally been lost in the world. I know that jobs are not meant to make you who you are, but when you lose one like hubby has and you have a sense of panic and doubt that anything good will come your way, being rejected over and over you begin to wonder what the point is at all in trying. 

As the partner of someone going through that I have found myself feeling quite lost and alone also. This was not the first thing to hit me to start me down this path, but it seems to have been the icing on the cake.

Every day we get up hoping that it will be a new day with new possibilities and every day just seems to be the same as the last. Wandering where you should be and what you should be doing. Lost.

This week I started to reading a great book by Ann Voskamp called One Thousand Gifts. I am so thankful for this book. It is helping me to find my JOY. Helping me to find the good amidst the bad, the beautiful hidden in the ugly. 

Each day I am trying really hard to seek joy. Today started just like all the rest, with a huge overwhealming feeling of anxiety simply because hubby didn't have any work today. Isn't it amazing how we automatically panic instead of falling at the feet of our amazing God and asking him for help?

Well I did just that. I fell at his feet in prayer as I made my morning coffee and as I walked into work I felt the anxiety well up within me. Each time someone asked me if things had changed I tried my best not to break down, but on the way home I found my JOY.

I had to walk home you see, as hubby had taken the car so that he could do some work at his parents house for them, so I was going to have to walk home. Not so bad, only a half an hour. But as I walked I felt the sun on my back and the wind in my hair. The peaceful sound of my footsteps and the voice of God whispering to me "I have you in the palm of my hand".

His words were pure JOY to me. 

As I returned home, bills piled in the letterbox and a $3000 credit card bill on the table, I went online to pay the bill. I watched the bank balance go down and instead of having tears streaming down my face I said "thank you" to the God who provides. protects. heals and brings JOY.

This is today. Tomorrow may be different but I know I will seek the joy in whatever comes.