On the way home I stopped at the post office to post one of my hats off...yes, I am selling them. If you want one just email me... here is one I made earlier....
As I was packaging it up a lady came up and asked me if I made them to sell. She would like to buy them. My heart beamed...lovely. Made me feel all good inside that someone loved my work. Someone that didn't even know me! Felt good.
Then I get to school and the teacher wants to talk to me. My heart gets in a flutter and I feel sick. My daughter had an off day. It was coming. The routine was thrown out today and well, she was being a little challenging. Then we got down to the hardness of it all from my end and I offloaded that I am struggling with how to help her academically. The gap just keeps getting wider and the pressure greater and I am just trying my best to get her to learn. It is so hard. So so hard wishing that your child would just learn like all the rest.
It really took the joy and flung it right out of me....the realization that the buck stops with me and that I am the only one that is going to make the difference whether she "gets it" or not. Me. Just me. I want off the ride. Someone tell it to end. Get me OFF!!!!!!!!
It reminded me that this is my normal. That I thought that I could pretend to be a regular person with a regular job and in a regular family.
Then I was snapped back into my reality.