Monday, March 12, 2012

When you think you have made it....

I type this as I am standing at the stove cooking lasange. It's 4pm and we ALL just got home (apart from hubby who will be home in a few hours to save me from the insanity). I was called to work today which was great. Challenging day. Challenging kids. Hard. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing a good job and then I realise why I am doing it and what brought me here. To see kids learn. Focus.

On the way home I stopped at the post office to post one of my hats off...yes, I am selling them. If you want one just email me... here is one I made earlier....

As I was packaging it up a lady came up and asked me if I made them to sell. She would like to buy them. My heart beamed...lovely. Made me feel all good inside that someone loved my work. Someone that didn't even know me! Felt good.

Then I get to school and the teacher wants to talk to me. My heart gets in a flutter and I feel sick. My daughter had an off day. It was coming. The routine was thrown out today and well, she was being a little challenging. Then we got down to the hardness of it all from my end and I offloaded that I am struggling with how to help her academically. The gap just keeps getting wider and the pressure greater and I am just trying my best to get her to learn. It is so hard. So so hard wishing that your child would just learn like all the rest.

It really took the joy and flung it right out of me....the realization that the buck stops with me and that I am the only one that is going to make the difference whether she "gets it" or not. Me. Just me. I want off the ride. Someone tell it to end. Get me OFF!!!!!!!!

It reminded me that this is my normal. That I thought that I could pretend to be a regular person with a regular job and in a regular family.

Then I was snapped back into my reality.


  1. Hey NIc, Hang in there, there is no such thing as a regular person with a regular job, we all have different challenges and what one family thinks is weird another thinks is boring, so you are the right person for the right job, and remember God will never give you more than you can handle. He just has high expectations of you, ;)

  2. nic
    you are amazing. But God is more so. And as much as we try, and he gives us tools and patience and wisdom to guide us, he ultimately is the one who is going to make the difference- the 'real' difference in her life. Academics are definately important, they make life easier. But they dont serve you eternally. Remind yourself of this when she struggles to learn, when you struggle to teach. Cause the only understanding that will serve her the best in life is one of him. Love you xox

  3. Hey beauty... hopefully the following may encourage you:

    First off: you do an amazing job with your kids. Your tenacity and devotion are pretty unreal and A LOT of parents could learn from you.

    Don't take it all on yourself. No matter how consistent/thoughtful/subborn/inventive you are with her education and tutoring, God is in control of everything and everything happens at it's own pace for a reason. The buck doesn't just stop with you. There's this saying about if you have faith in God, it means having faith in His timing for things as well. May be the gap seems large now- but there will be seasons where the opposite will be true too.

    And those times where you wish 'she would learn like other kids', remember my favourite saying "Comparison is the thief of Joy"; it sounds like that's what happened today - the joy was sucked away. Fight it! Your daughter is amazing and a miracle regardless of how far behind she may seem to be in some areas!

    Your efforts will be rewarded. How do I know this? Because you are faithful to your family and to your heavenly Father and you glorify Him in your perseverance.

    Love you. xx