Saying goodbye to our baby dog

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I have never been an animal lover until we got our dogs. Something about them I fell in love with and after our last puppy was hit by a car and killed about a year and a half ago we decided we wanted another. Austin was cute as a button when we picked him up from our breeder. He was small, but we thought that he was okay and would grow with time.

He was the kind of dog I dreamt of; quiet, relaxed, obedient and little. He was funny and he had an amazing sense of humour and he was so much fun for our kids. He loved going on walks and he loved other dogs, even if they didn't want him around. He tried hard.

About a week ago we noticed he was quieter than usual. He was slow on his walks and he was doing strange things like peeing on the verandah. By Christmas he was not himself and was not eating much and laying about a lot more.

On boxing day he was very flat. We decided we would take him to our vet the next day as we were worried he was having another urinary blockage which he had had a month earlier, but it resolved.

We took him to our vets and they kept him to do some blood work. When they called us alarmed we were very worried. They had found awful things in his bloodwork and he needed to be transferred to the animal hospital for treatment. Upon arriving at the hospital he was still so flat. The doctor told us that she thought Austin may have a liver shunt which is a condition when blood bypasses the liver so that it is not working properly. She was also concerned about his bloods as his liver enzymes were hundreds of times normal and he had cancer markers in his blood 500 times normal levels. We left him there to have an ultrasound and start treatment.

The next day we heard from the hospital. It was not good news. He did in fact have the liver shunt and his bladder was also full of stones. They were waiting on another confirmation of the cancer markers but she said that his liver was very damaged and that he was a very sick little puppy with a lot of issues. We weighed up giving him the surgery but then he also had the problem of the stones if we didn't do surgery for that also and if he did indeed have cancer or his liver had been assaulted by something nasty, his liver was not in good shape and either was he. He would continue to be a sick dog that needed a lot of medical intervention and care. The decision was so heartbreaking and one I didn't really want us to have to make. Seeing the kids say goodbye to him broke my heart and they were just so traumatised and upset to see their dog have to be put to sleep. The vets were amazing and they gave us a room to all be in to say goodbye and spend our last time with him. I felt so much for him as he didn't understand what all the fuss was about. He was only 9 months old. We all left and hubby stayed with him as he went to be in heaven.

We will miss you faithful friend. xxxxx

Cranberry, pistachio, almond, peanut and white chocolate rocky road!

Every year I try to bake something delicious for christmas to give away as a gift. Mostly my gorgeous biscotti or some biscuits but this year I wanted to do something with chocolate as we all know we can't have enough chocolate, especially at christmas time, so I came up with this yummy recipe.

When I was shopping in IGA they had these amazing bags of nuts and this one stood right out. For $10.99 you could get this energy mix which had all the ingredients I wanted. Pistachios, cranberries almonds and white chocolate! Score!

Add in some melted chocolate and marshmallow and I was all set.

Its really hard not to consume the stuff as you are making it, especially licking the bowl afterwards. Tasty stuff. 

Ingredients

2 cups marshmallows, cut in halves

3 packets of chocolate chips, melted

one packet of energy mix from IGA

1/2 packet of mixed crushed nuts

shredded coconut

Method

cut your marshmallows in half and put into a clean bowl. Add in your packet of energy mix and half a small packet of mixed crushed nuts. Mix. Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave and mix through the other ingredients. Pour into a lined lasagne dish and sprinkle with shredded coconut. Put into the fridge for at least an hour and cut into desired lengths.

I wrap mine up with cellophane and give as a gift. The people will love it.

Drawing to a close

  

Its time to pause. Almost. Time to take some breathers. This year feels like it has flown past so fast. It has flashed by and I can't believe it is over. I want to hold onto it for just a little bit in one way and I want to see it gone in others. 

When I look back over the year I see the mayhem and madness that was 2013. The endless training for my marathon, the stress of starting our own business, the holidays to Hong Kong and Queensland, the successes of my children, the challenge of working and being a mum. So many things. 

I must say that I am proud of what I have achieved this year and have many more things planned for 2014. 

Tomorrow marks the day that my firstborn will leave the comforts of primary school and embark on a new era of high school. I, for one am terrified. I can't believe that this is going to happen. It only feels like yesterday I was changing his nappy and now he is going to HIGHSCHOOL. How did this happen? And how did I miss it? I find myself in tears and totally not coping with what is going on. I want to do it all again and take in every moment because I don't want to lose his innocence and be faced with a teenager, I really don't. 

Don't you find that this year Christmas just seems crazy and out of control? Or is it just me? I feel completely overwhelmed. Maybe its the fact that I am not organised and normally I am, or the fact that I feel like our bank account is depleting more than we can fill it at the moment, I don't know, but its got me unsettled and I can't wait for it all to be over, however I will try and savour this one as its probably the last one my firstborn will be interested in like little kids are!

Have you been baking? I haven't baked for ages. Normally I have everything cooking, like this amazing biscotti, or gingerbread houses or fudge or even some rocky road, but no. All I have done is some gingerbread biscuits for the party day at the kids school and a few for the teachers. Crazy I tell you!

The good thing is that the tree is up, house is decorated, but our icicle lights can't be found anywhere! I am slowly trying to get into the spirit and once the school thing is over and we are on holidays I think I can breathe and allow it to all sink in. 

Let it be so.

The gingerbread house.

Every year I make the kids teachers a gingerbread house to say thank you for an amazing job well done. This year I think I am going to try something new, but it wouldn't be christmas without an attempt to make gingerbread, even if it isn't a house, so I thought that I would help you out and share the method with you!….. you can view the fantastic recipe and said house here.

Enjoy lovelies!

On the first day of Christmas

The tree is up. Decorations are on. It's time.

Festivities are beginning, presents are being purchased and food is being consumed.

How's your Christmas season looking?

Getaway....

It's been 12 months since we were here last. 12 months since we rested and reflected. 12 months since hubby lost his job and our lives became living in the moment and being blessed for every little thing, not taking for granted security or promises.

This holiday was much needed. To reflect on the year that had whizzed past us. One that is about to draw to a close that has seen us embark on a new adventure and one that has yet to end an era of primary school for our firstborn. 

Reflection can be a lovely thing. As I run along the coast I can't help but be filled with thankfulness for how we have been provided for. We are clothed, fed, happy, and all our needs are met. We welcome each new day with a peaceful dawn and smile at sundown after our day is done. 

I watch in awe as my little babies {I'm still allowed to call them that} take to surfboards in waves that even I am afraid to enter. Living full lives, not afraid of what's coming, trusting their father to keep them safe.

I want to move ahead with the same faith. The same trust. I want to trust that every step we take is in the direction intended and live boldly and uninhibited. 

Reflect and be grateful. 

Live and be filled.

Believe in you…..

I have been struggling a lot lately with my feelings of wether or not I can accomplish things. Hey, I just ran a full marathon just over a month ago and I don't know why my brain is so stuffed up that it doesn't believe that I can accomplish something I put my heart and soul into. Something is seriously wrong there.

Just after my marathon my friend asked me if I would do a half marathon that was yesterday. I stupidly signed up for it as I was still on a runners high and forgot about it until this week when the date was looming.

There had been no training for a half, actually there has hardly been any running since the full, only a few 10kms here and there and a few other slow runs thrown in for good measure, but none the less I said I would do it and before I knew it it was two days before the race.

I thought I should treat this just as a fun event and not too serious. I did enjoy carb loading and resting the few days before (as I always do) but I was SO anxious. I think because I feared that I wouldn't finish. After all I was still recovering from a marathon and I was CRAZY to think that I could run and run well, a half marathon 5 weeks out. But I went in with the view that I would take it easy and just run and finish.

Come race day I was excited, not the nervous wreck I was the days leading up and the only thing that worried me is that I got my period the night before the race and I had been sooooo tired leading up that I wondered if I could even finish. After all I hadn't run more than 10k since the marathon and this was 21.1km.

I met a lovely member of my Facebook running group and was running with my friend Luisa and her friend Alex. Luisa inspired me to run. This was her FOURTH half for the hear after having a really tough year. If she could run after what she has been through, I certainly could do it.

We lined up and the gun took ages to go off. There was some kind of hold up and it made me so nervous. I just wanted to get it over and done with already. The gun went off and Luisa, Alex and I took off. I had decided that I wanted to go out at an easy pace and then try and run a negative split and I didn't really have a time in mind except to see the finish. At about the 10k mark I decided no, I don't want to just finish this race, I want to smash it so i kicked it into gear. I really wanted to beat my previous half time. Something in my head told me to go for it and that I CAN and so I did.

The funniest thing happened as we were running, I opened my zip slightly from my fuel belt to grab a jellybean and out flew a BRIGHT ORANGE tampon. I said to Alex…."well, there goes my tampon" and it was so funny. We had a chuckle and even the girl next to us said "I hope you have one in!"….Oh my goodness, what a scream, and how embarrassing. And seriously, I almost stopped to pick it up if it wasn't for the fact that I wanted to smash this race, I would have hahaha. BRIGHT ORANGE I tell you!!

I lost Alex somewhere after the 14k Mark as I grabbed a drink and so I didn't have my little pacing buddy anymore, so I relied on my garmin to keep me above pace. Everytime it beeped to say below pace I surged to keep above and I was not going to go below. I managed to keep it there until the finish which was pretty amazing running into ANZ stadium and to see that I managed to beat my previous time by about 30 seconds, especially so close to running my marathon.

No matter how much I dissect it all I see is that I can do things I never thought I could. Running frees me. I may not be the fastest but I know when I want it I will go after it and I will achieve it. I believe in myself so much more now than I ever did.

Do you believe in yourself?

Have you had an embarrassing running moment?

Now is the time.

Oh my poor neglected blog. Im so sorry its taken me so long to give you some time! Things have been super dooper crazy around here and there just seems to be NO TIME anymore. Do you agree? Do you feel like the hours just get swallowed up?

Since the marathon that was I have struggled to get back on the wagon. Its like the goal was won and then I just stopped wanting something so badly. I felt almost lost even. I can't even describe how I feel. What I do know is that I want more of these moments, so I signed up for the PT again at the gym I used to go to pre marathon training. I will only be doing two classes a week there and the rest of the time I am going to focus on my running and getting more speed.

This weekend I am running my second half marathon. There will be no records most likely as I am far from trained up and to be honest, far from keen to even run on the day. I will go and I will run because I said I would and I don't go back on my promises. I will run the way I feel on the day and I will finish. That will make two halves and one full marathon medal on my mirror in my bedroom. All in a year and a half.

I started a facebook group for mums that run this month called Running mums Australia. So far we have about 100 members and it is an amazing place to inspire and encourage each other. If your a mum and you love to run, please come and join us here.

Next year brings promise of another one or two or maybe even three marathons if I can bring my mind to the party. So what does this mean for me. It means that I have to start watching what Im eating and how I am exercising. What works for you? For me its balanced. I love a good breakfast of cereal or eggs or yogurt and fruit and coffee and toast. I always snack in the day, wether its fruit or just some rice crackers, a smoothie or some nuts. Something must be consumed or I feel my sugars drop so much that I want to fall asleep! For dinner mostly we have meat and veg or meat and salad of some description.

What is it that you want to achieve in the next six months? How are  you going to do it?

I think its going to be a busy, yet rewarding time ahead.

Cliff walks

A Cliff Dwelling

There sandy seems the golden sky
And golden seems the sandy plain.
No habitation meets the eye
Unless in the horizon rim,
Some halfway up the limestone wall,
That spot of black is not a stain
Or shadow, but a cavern hole,
Where someone used to climb and crawl
To rest from his besetting fears.
I see the callus on his soul
The disappearing last of him
And of his race starvation slim,
Oh years ago - ten thousand years.

Robert Frost

Forever young

image from google images

My second child turned 10 yesterday. The second child to reach double digits in our family. One more to go. It only feels like yesterday she was a screaming baby on my chest. Now she is almost a teenager. Looking at her yesterday with her long blonde hair, hot pink shorts and pre-teen top made me want to cry. Where has my baby gone? The fact that she wanted 'make up' on her birthday list makes me cringe (I didn't buy it of course!). It got me to thinking just where does the time go? How is it that I am already 36 and have three kids, a mortgage and a dog? How did that happen so fast? It was only yesterday that I was living the dream in suburbia with my brother and sister and the kids in the neighbourhood.

When I think back to school holidays I remember endless sunny days spent making cubby houses in the bush with my friends, cabbage patch parties, hours and hours of riding bikes up and down our neighbourhood, ice blocks and hot chips, falling asleep in the back of the car and pretending to stay asleep so that dad would carry me into bed. Time was endless, so were the opportunities and the fun. 

As an adult looking in I feel very different to how my kids see the world now. Time seems short, opportunities seem limited and they act bored. I feel guilty that maybe, I have let this happen. That we have allowed them to be 'gadget kids'. Always needing something to keep them happy instead of them just finding their own joy in everything around them. Is it a sign of the times or is it a sign of our bad parenting? 

I want to start creating more of these opportunities for my kids. I want them to explore what they love and find who they really are. I want them to stay kids for longer than society wants them to. 

I just need a way to to do this. Does anyone out there have an answer?