Believe in you…..

I have been struggling a lot lately with my feelings of wether or not I can accomplish things. Hey, I just ran a full marathon just over a month ago and I don't know why my brain is so stuffed up that it doesn't believe that I can accomplish something I put my heart and soul into. Something is seriously wrong there.

Just after my marathon my friend asked me if I would do a half marathon that was yesterday. I stupidly signed up for it as I was still on a runners high and forgot about it until this week when the date was looming.

There had been no training for a half, actually there has hardly been any running since the full, only a few 10kms here and there and a few other slow runs thrown in for good measure, but none the less I said I would do it and before I knew it it was two days before the race.

I thought I should treat this just as a fun event and not too serious. I did enjoy carb loading and resting the few days before (as I always do) but I was SO anxious. I think because I feared that I wouldn't finish. After all I was still recovering from a marathon and I was CRAZY to think that I could run and run well, a half marathon 5 weeks out. But I went in with the view that I would take it easy and just run and finish.

Come race day I was excited, not the nervous wreck I was the days leading up and the only thing that worried me is that I got my period the night before the race and I had been sooooo tired leading up that I wondered if I could even finish. After all I hadn't run more than 10k since the marathon and this was 21.1km.

I met a lovely member of my Facebook running group and was running with my friend Luisa and her friend Alex. Luisa inspired me to run. This was her FOURTH half for the hear after having a really tough year. If she could run after what she has been through, I certainly could do it.

We lined up and the gun took ages to go off. There was some kind of hold up and it made me so nervous. I just wanted to get it over and done with already. The gun went off and Luisa, Alex and I took off. I had decided that I wanted to go out at an easy pace and then try and run a negative split and I didn't really have a time in mind except to see the finish. At about the 10k mark I decided no, I don't want to just finish this race, I want to smash it so i kicked it into gear. I really wanted to beat my previous half time. Something in my head told me to go for it and that I CAN and so I did.

The funniest thing happened as we were running, I opened my zip slightly from my fuel belt to grab a jellybean and out flew a BRIGHT ORANGE tampon. I said to Alex…."well, there goes my tampon" and it was so funny. We had a chuckle and even the girl next to us said "I hope you have one in!"….Oh my goodness, what a scream, and how embarrassing. And seriously, I almost stopped to pick it up if it wasn't for the fact that I wanted to smash this race, I would have hahaha. BRIGHT ORANGE I tell you!!

I lost Alex somewhere after the 14k Mark as I grabbed a drink and so I didn't have my little pacing buddy anymore, so I relied on my garmin to keep me above pace. Everytime it beeped to say below pace I surged to keep above and I was not going to go below. I managed to keep it there until the finish which was pretty amazing running into ANZ stadium and to see that I managed to beat my previous time by about 30 seconds, especially so close to running my marathon.

No matter how much I dissect it all I see is that I can do things I never thought I could. Running frees me. I may not be the fastest but I know when I want it I will go after it and I will achieve it. I believe in myself so much more now than I ever did.

Do you believe in yourself?

Have you had an embarrassing running moment?

The MARATHON Edition.

Well lovely people. I did it. Yesterday I ran my first ever full marathon. I covered 42.2km. All the training I did was totally worth it and I am on cloud nine. It is all I can think about. It's all I want to talk about and I am so proud of myself that I didn't give up all these months past in training and on the day. It could have been so easy to give up given injury and my lovely training partner being out injured. Knowing that you have to run a long run every weekend and so many during the week can sometimes play with your mind when all you do is run and there was times that it all just seemed so overwhealmingly hard. 

The fact that I made it to the start line is simply an achievement as so many just don't given to illness or injury and those are things that I had to deal with during my training. I had lost about 4 weeks of training due to my operation and my shin splints and I still got there and I still made it, and I still made it within my goal time. I am simply humbled and amazed that I did it and the smile will be on my face for weeks to come. 

The other AMAZING thing is that I managed to raise $2,500 for Autism Spectrum Australia. Donations are still welcome until October, so if you haven't donated yet and you still want to, you can do so here.

So here is a rundown of the event. Get a cuppa. It's going to be long. 

On the saturday, the night before the race hubby and I stayed in the city in a hotel. I tried to relax but I was so anxious. I just wanted race day to come already. I was worried about every niggle. My calf was sore and so hubby gave me a good massage and I layed around eating, as you do when in the carb loading phase. So much food, so little room, but I managed to fuel up pretty spot on and I was happy with how I felt. We booked an italian restaurant and whilst we were eating our dinner in walked Steve Monaghetti! He was eating with the elite marathon runners (mostly from parts of africa!) and it made me very excited and nervous that we were so close. When we got back to our hotel I had a bath and tried to imagine myself on the course. I prayed and I thanked God for getting me there. I tried to go to sleep at around 9pm but it seemed almost impossible. The lift outside our room was so loud. It was all I could hear ALL NIGHT LONG. I finally after much exhaustion, anxiousness and upset fell asleep at 1am only to wake up at 3am to hear the stupid lifts again! Then I just lay there eyes closed but awake until I heard my alarm at 4.30am. I was very concerned that I only had two hours sleep but the adrenaline kicked in and I was ready. I had some breakfast, which for me looked like a honey roll and a banana and half a black coffee and a bottle of water. Then I had a shower and got dressed and went back to bed until 5.30am. Then I woke up and had another half a banana, a few bites of an energy bar and a large glass of powerade. Then it was off to the toilet, taping up my shin and rubbing in some purcutane cream where I knew I would need it and before I knew it it was 6am and we were out the door onto the train. When we got to the start we were just in time to see the halfer's go and it made me so nervous. I got interviewed by suncorps run positive team and you can watch that here. You can see the nervousness on my face!! I couldn't believe I was here and I had absolutely no idea what it was going to feel like. 

My race plan was this: I was going to pull back at the start for about the first 15k sticking to about 6.20 pace. Then at 15-30k I was going to speed up to about 6.10 pace. Then at the last 12 I wanted to do about 6 minute pace. I wasn't far off my plan but I averaged about a 6.15 pace throughout the whole race. I didn't quite run a negative split as I had planned but I was pretty consistent with my pace throughout. It was really hard not to go to fast at the start and I literally had to pull back to stop myself.

As we got into the starting area I was nervous but excited. I lined up near the 4.30 pacer and I psyched myself up. Hubby gave me a kiss goodbye and I was on my own from that point. Everyone was excited and ready and as the gun went and a few minutes passed we were away past the start line. I gave a good WOOHOO!! and I could hardly believe I was here. RUNNING my first marathon. I had a huge smile on my face and I was just so excited. Everything felt right. My gear, my head, my breathing. As we came around the bend we came to the ramp onto  the Sydney Harbour Bridge. It was spectacular seeing thousands of runners running across. I few people were chatting and someone asked me what I was listening to. I was listening to some jazz at that point and I felt comfy and alive. I looked right to see a train going across and I thought, I wonder if hubby is in the train, at that moment I saw him looking out the window of the doorway. He actually saw me and we both waved and I laughed! It was so funny and so amazing that at that moment we saw eachother. Just brilliant!!. I enjoyed the run across the bridge and through the corkskrew and across the top of circular quay station. The views were spectacular and I just took it all in. I felt great. I had to pull back a few times as my pace was a little fast but overall I felt right on target. I took my first two drinks at the 5k station and kept going. My plan was to walk through every drink station. Drink one water and when powerade was on offer at every second have one powerade too and I did that the WHOLE race. It was hot already and I wanted to stay hydrated.

We came to our first hill up macquarie street and then turned down into the botanical gardens and around lady macquarie point. I remember taking in all the gorgeousness of our harbour and seeing the navy ships and views out to the ocean. It was just spectacular. As we exited the gardens we reached the 10k mark. I knew hubby was going to try and see me there so I looked around and there he was! It was so exciting and he said 'your doing awesome' and I kept going at pace through to hyde park. I had my first GU at this point and washed it down with water from the next aid station. I felt strong and under total control.

The course was just gorgeous and the spectators were so encouraging cheering people on. We ran over a makeshift bridge in hyde park and then the course turned onto oxford street heading up towards Moore Park. At about the 15k mark I turned my head and noticed a girl in a bright green singlet. I could hardly believe my eyes when I realised it was a running friend that I had made on instagram, Laura!! I was so excited and so was she....we briefly hugged and ran about the next 8km together. We chatted a bit and it was so good to see the excitement and encouragement Laura was giving to all her friends she came past along the course, high fiving and wooing. It was so much fun and I still felt great. 

I had my next GU at about the 20k mark and my stomach and my body still felt great and strong. I was holding pace, even going a bit faster at times and I was ready to pick it up a notch. I noticed the 4:30 pacer so I stuck with him for a while and then at about the 25km mark I picked it up a bit and I moved past them. I felt that this was a confident move. I was spurred on by the thought that in about 5km I would see my family at around the 30km mark and it kept me going. 

me at 30kms. Feeling awesome.

The worst thing was that alot of the course, although gorgeous was in the hot hot sun. The run around centennial park was lovely but so hot and it did start to play tricks on me. I made sure that I kept drinking, sometimes two drinks of water and always a powerade when on offer and the WHOLE cup. 

I chewed a jellybean every km from the start to keep my glucose levels up and I felt a huge sense of relief when I exited centennial park and knew that I was over half way and on my way back downhill into the city. The downhill run back through oxford street was good. I felt amazing and so strong, but my right calf was feeling a little tight but I refused to stop and stretch it as I didn't want to lose time. 

As I came into hyde park again it was a relief that there was some shade and I focused and in the distance I saw my son Jonah in a tree. I called out to him and was like a mad woman waving my hands about. My husband and my kids and mum and dad finally noticed me and waved back and cheered and I remember the look of awe in my kids eyes. I looked (and felt) so strong and I was at 30km! I yelled out "Im going to finish!!!" and then I ran off into the distance. 

Seeing them gave me a HUGE boost and I remember flooring it downhill to circular quay. I knew that I had it and when I got to the quay it was amazing to see all of the people down there cheering all of the runners on. But the heat. Oh the heat. It was actually not that hot, about 26 degrees, but the sun was just beaming down and not a cloud in sight so in a way it was so much hotter. 

I remember thinking once I passed the 32k mark that I was now in unchartered territory. I was excited as I had never run further than this before, but I didn't know what lay ahead. I was prepared a little from what a friend who had ran this marathon before had told me about the last 10k but I don't think anything could prepare me for what lay ahead. 

I felt good going around the rocks and under the bridge and then we were shot out to pyrmont along Sussex Street. At about the 33km mark the sun was just SO HOT. There was no shade and there was no water station and my bottle had run out. I pushed through and I had some jellybeans. Then we came to the onramp of the freeway that shoots out to pyrmont and it was an absolute unrelenting killer of a hill. In searing heat I remember everyone seemed to just look like they were about to give up. There were people stretching on the side of the road, there were people ON the side of the road, there were people grunting and groaning and swearing and I tried so hard to stay focused and just put one foot in front of the other. My legs felt like lead and I remember thinking "Im about to hit the wall". At that point I remember thinking that when your muscles are giving up you need to feed them so I opened another GU and downed it in two seconds flat. I also had some more jellybeans and I walked for about what felt like forever, so upset that I had to walk up this hill when I had not walked the whole way apart for through the water stations, but it was only about 20 seconds. Then I willed myself to keep going. 

I thought of all the people I was running for and the money that people had raised to my charity and by GOD I was not going to give up. NO WAY. I can do this and I can cope with the pain.

I was so happy when I finally saw a water station so I scoffed down two cups of water and a cup of powerade and I grabbed another water to fill my bottle. 

Then we came to the 35km mark where there was another dreaded hill back onto the freeway. Once again I plodded along which felt like snail pace, but actually I was right on pace and I was once again forced to walk for about 20 seconds. I also moved to the side and stretched my calf but then it started to cramp so I stopped stretching. Then my mind kicked in again and I was like, 'NO MORE WALKING' and so I kicked it into gear. When I saw the 38km mark I KNEW I was going to finish and I was so excited. I just kept going, one foot infront of the other. As I saw the corner around to circular quay and back to the 40km mark my heart felt so full. I felt like bursting into tears. I had done it. All the emotions were coming to my mind and I was going to finish this thing. 

It was at that point there was no stopping, not even for the last water station and I didn't even know what my time was as the whole time I had set my watch up wrong and it was on loops so I knew my pace only and that is what I looked at the whole time. My phone was right out and it was telling me I was 1km more than every marker and that my pace was alot faster so I tried to ignore it as it drove me crazy thinking I was closer than I really was!! I don't even remember what music I was listening to for the whole race except for the last km when ROAR, by Katy Perry came on and I was like. . . YES....great song to run in to!!! So I found my inner roar and when I was hearing. "I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a champion and your gonna hear me ROAR, louder than a lion, cause I am a champion and your gonna hear me roar...I was signing it in my head and pumping towards the finish. 

Coming through the finish shute was the best experience. It was amazing. Thousands of people cheering you on and something I will never ever forget. All the emotions flowed. About 200m before the finish I saw dad and I waved and was so excited. Then about 100m before the finish I saw my family and my brother and my sister inlaw were also there. I was so excited I threw my hands in the air and said " I DID IT!!!". The smile on my face said it all. I was overjoyed. I saw the clock which read 4:29:08 and I was determined to get through that finish line under 4 hours 30. I just pushed my legs so hard and I made it through. My official time was 4:26:12 which was four minutes faster than my goal and I was absolutely stoked. I couldn't have hoped for a better run.

I had no real issues in this race other than the fact that it was so hot and that the hills were what broke me in the final 10k. I did manage to get one mega blister on my big toe which I didn't actually notice until I got home. I just felt like my sock was moving around in my shoe. I held back quite a bit and on reflection I think that I could have gone alot faster, but for my first marathon I didn't really know what to expect and the fact that I had a great experience makes it so much easier for me to want to do it all over again! 

If you ever get a chance to do a marathon, do it. It is something that you will remember for the rest of your days. It is a great test of physical, but mostly mental stamina. It is amazing when you want something how much you can convince your mind and body to keep going to it's absolute limits. 

For now, there will be more of these moments.

Thank you so much for sharing in the journey with me. What a journey. xxx

Here are some pics of the final finish that my brother took for me. 

the smile says it all

hands in the air I was so excited

I AM A MARATHONER!!!!!!!!!

Generosity

It has been an amazing few weeks. Originally when I decided to do a marathon it was a personal goal. One that I felt I needed to do and one that I wasn't quite ready to commit to until I had passed the 30km mark in my training and pressed the 'paid' button on the registration form. After that happened the goal became not only personal towards finishing a marathon, but in turn I wanted to raise as much funds as I could to help a cause close to my heart. 

It was a no brainer that I would choose Autism NSW (ASPECT) as my charity given the way that Autism has touched my life. 

I am so humbled and in awe of the generosity of others in the last few weeks that I have had my fundraising page open. Its hard to ask people for money, but in the end I just forgot about what people thought of me asking and just asked anyway. In the end I know that people who resonated with my plight would donate to it and they did. So much so that I have raised over my initial fundraising goal of $1500. To know that I will make a difference in the life of a child with autism through the services Aspect provides because of YOUR donations just fills me with so much joy. 

When I came home this afternoon and checked my email and clicked on the 'new donation' link I burst into tears when I saw that I had gone over my goal. It has made all the early morning and the late night runs, the running in the heat, the miles and miles alone out there, the setbacks, the money spent, the injuries and the tears and the time away from my family training all worth it.

The marathon is going to be hard, probably more mentally than physically now, but I plan on doing it with a huge smile on my face as I know that you put a smile on someone else's when you chose to be generous. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Nic xxxxx

Marathon preparation - 30KM recap

I don't pretend to be a good runner. I am really just an average runner. I am not fast. I am an average jo pace. I like to sit around 6min/km and take it easy. That is why I am good at distance running. I always have been. Some people are built for distance. Some people are built for speed. Speed and I don't go together. If I have to sprint somewhere, I feel as if I am standing still. I just can't go fast enough even if I give my 100%.

Back in school days I was always last in the 100m events at the annual athletics carnival, but put me in an 800m or a cross country race and I would excel. Thats because I can pace myself and build up for a long period because my body works aerobically well, not anaerobically like a sprinter.

About three years ago I got back into running where I left off years ago and I enjoyed it. I competed in my first half marathon last year and I made my goal of finishing under 2 hours. My time was 1.57 and I think that was great. I was even out injured the whole 3 weeks before the race and didn't even know if I would even make it the distance but with hubby by my side we did and I was stoked.

This year  I made it my goal to run a marathon. I don't know why I had this crazy thought, but I have always wanted to do one and I thought well, I will just put in the training and see if I can.

I said to my running buddy that if I can reach 30km in training I will register. Last weekend I reached that 30K mark and so that night without any doubts I registered for the Blackmores Sydney marathon on the 22nd September. About two minutes after I pressed "pay" on the credit card I felt ill and was doubting that I can do this.

For the last day I have been stretching and wincing and rubbing deep heat on my thighs through the pain of running 30km and what that does to your body. Today I had to get back into training yet again and do a round of sprints on those tired old legs.

Complete.

I show myself every single time that I can do it, even when my mind says that I can't.

I know that this is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever do. It requires ALOT of stamina and training, something I am quickly after about ten weeks becoming bored of, but it also requires alot of mental toughness.

I know that the last ten kilometres of this race is going to try to break my spirit. It is going to hurt like I have never hurt before. I am going to have to dig deep and find strength from the deepest places in me. I will be thinking of my family, my children and the best that I can do for them is to give everything a go and show them that any dream is possible.

So, sunday was like any other day except that I was up for my 30km training run. We are 7 weeks out from race day and Sunday was the 'long run day'. I hadn't run past 15.4km for the past two weeks as a long run as I had had my surgery, so it was a big jump from that to 30km after a few weeks out. My long run before the 15.4km was 24km so I knew what I was in for.

I bought a running belt the day before and I filled those three water bottles with gatorade and my pouch with jellybeans. I also took a GU in lemon/lime flavour to try at about the 20k mark and ate my banana sambo about an hour before and off I went.

I planned an in and out route for this run as I didn't want to be close to home and want to give up. The route was perfect. Just the amount of hills and flats that I needed.

I felt really really good for most of the run and stuck around the 6:20 pace for the first half and then down to about 6:10 for the second half. By about 27k I was tiring but I was good physically and my feet felt great. My legs were beginning to get sore around my quads, but nowhere else. Mentally I was ready to stop though but I pushed through for the next 3k's.

The feeling when I had done it was amazing. I was so proud of myself. I did it and all by myself. Normally I run my long runs with my friend but she is out due to injury so this run and the rest of my training will be all by myself. Its harder by yourself to keep going.

I spent the run praying for people and my family, listening to my favourite tunes on my iphone and looking around me taking everything in. I passed four people I knew in the hours I was out there and each one made me want to keep going.

The run took me 3 hrs and 7 minutes and I am happy I made it back in one piece. I filled my water bottles once again and I ate a jellybean each km and half the GU at 20k.

This weekend I am due to run 30 again. This week I hope to experiment a bit more with the GU and my pacing.

Each day that gets closer to race day makes my heart skip a beat out of nerves and excitement.

Can I really do this? We will just see........